I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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