She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
