two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
