All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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