I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
