I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
