great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
then he tried to convert me to islam
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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