Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
