it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
