TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize