i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
