Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
