I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I understand Curling. That high.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
