Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
