Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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