I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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