Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
