Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
