i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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