I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
