He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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