I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
