Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
