I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
