I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
