Pants 0. Shit 1.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
