I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
