It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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