Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
