Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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