Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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