and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
