I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
