I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
