when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
