How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
