i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
