A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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