Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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