I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
