I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
