Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
