well I can't set my house on fire every night
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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