Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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