if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
