i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
