I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Found the puke drawer
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize