I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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