Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
