You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
