Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize