i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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