We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
