WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
