Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
