Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize