I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My ATM looks so different sober.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
