Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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