i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
