my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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