Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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