Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
