we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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