im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
