nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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