now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
