is your mom at the bar?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
