If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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