did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize